Politeness & Etiquette in Spain

It may seem the simplest of linguistic traits, but politeness is treated and executed completely differently depending on your destination country as well as the one you departed from, and Spain is no different. For many British visitors especially, the Spanish can come across as rude and ignorant, yet this could not be farther from the truth. In reality, the Spanish culture is simply much more relaxed than other countries, meaning pleasantries can sometimes be seen as a little bit over the top and, to put it bluntly, a waste of time. In many ways, the Spanish language itself has plenty of opportunity to express respect and politeness, but rather out of convenience than rudeness, the use of this is dwindling.

The English language itself does not have a polite way to address elders or betters (we address everyone as ‘you’, whether they are younger or older, a boss or a friend), yet most other European languages do. However the British are also seen by most Europeans as the most overly polite nation among us, so why is that? Personally, I believe it’s due to the amount of embellishment, flattery and unnecessary extra words that we like to add into conversation when we are speaking to someone, which demonstrates why many other Europeans will see our pleasantries as a complete waste of time and breath. Thanking people and excusing yourself continuously is a trait that visitors, especially from the UK, are brought up to do however in Spain this is pretty much unheard of.

In Spanish however, politeness comes in the form of address rather than the number of please and thank yous that are added onto the sentence. The use of the pronouns ‘usted’ and ‘tú’ are used to distinguish the specified register with which they are addressing someone, which changes the way in which verbs are conjugated. Other European languages such as French, German and Italian also follow these same guidelines, meaning that you can tell who the language is directed at based solely on the form of verb used. Learn more about 'usted' and 'tú'

The table below shows how the form of the verb “estar” changes depending on the form of register that you wish to use:

Person	Conjugation - "How are you?"
'You' informal	¿Cómo estás?
'You' formal	¿Cómo está?
'You' plural informal	¿Cómo estáis?
'You' plural formal	¿Cómo están?

Greetings

In terms of physical etiquette, Spaniards behave much like many of their other European neighbours when it comes to greeting someone new. For males it is customary to shake hands, especially when you first meet someone or during business-related meetings. If you are better acquainted, men are also known to hug or pat each other in a friendly way.
For women, giving two kisses is a usual greeting except in extremely formal situations. The kisses should start with the right cheek and be very light, more like a touching of the cheeks and a kiss into the air. This is very common and you will find that whenever you meet someone new this is how you will be introduced.
Engaging in conversation and asking many questions are also common traits amongst Spaniards when they meet, they are naturally inquisitive and chatty and tend to be quite happy asking things about you that you wouldn’t necessarily have chosen to share with them.

If you are invited around to someone’s house for a meal or drinks, it is always customary to take a small gift or token to thank them for their hospitality. Wine or food is always a safe bet, but make sure it’s of decent quality.

Tipping

Like most other European countries, tipping is seen as a thankful gesture rather than a necessity. Unlike in the US where 10% or more of the bill is considered an acceptable service charge, in Spain a few pieces of small change are all that is necessary. Of course if you find that your service has been worthy of more then feel free to tip as much as you wish, but never feel inclined to leave a certain amount, anything is considered a gesture here. On the other hand, try not to leave bronze coins (such as 1c, 2c and 5c) because this can sometimes be seen as rude and many waiters would rather receive nothing than a measly 8c in 1c coins. For more information about tipping visit here.

Contact

One of the things you’ll most probably notice on arrival in Spain is how touchy feely and to-the-point everyone is. This is not necessarily a bad thing, depending on where you come from, and can actually make you feel more at home within the country. Hugging and kissing will become part of your daily routine once you start to get to know people better. You will also find that, during conversation, many Spaniards like to move closer to you and often touch your arm, which is a way of expressing their interest in what you are saying.
For girls, even walking down the street becomes a different story; Spanish men feel no shame in shouting what they think directly at you but as weird and creepy as this may be, it’s what they’re used to doing, and reacting to it is probably the worst thing you can do.
In general, Spaniards are particularly inquisitive, especially when they can tell that someone isn’t local. It’s completely normal for people, especially older women, to openly stare at you for long periods of time. At first this can feel very uncomfortable however eventually this becomes normal and you’ll gain enough confidence to stare right back at them!

Queuing

This is something you will miss without a doubt after spending some time in Spain. The Spanish don’t queue, not in the same way that the British do anyway. It’s very unlikely that you will ever see a neat, orderly line of people waiting to be served because the Spanish idea of a ‘queue’ is more like a cluster of people fighting to be served next. Of course, in most scenarios whoever has been waiting the longest will be served next, however it isn’t uncommon for people to sneakily try and edge their way in front of you. It’s probably best to avoid fighting your way through, but most post offices, banks and supermarkets are a free-for-all when it comes to being the next in line, so standing your ground is likely to get you where you should be, though it will probably take some practice at the beginning; as the saying goes, if you can’t beat them, join them!